Monday, May 30, 2011

Stronger than yesterday

There was this night at the prefect's camp when Ustaz Azlan played a video about Nick Vujicic . He was born without legs and arms . Fortunately, he has a little chicken drumstick xD Go search for him on the internet, he is famous and now a successful person . We read a piece of his biography . It stated that when he was 8y/o he tried suicide . It was because of the frustration of getting bullied at his school . That night before Ustaz Azlan played that video, he was going to pick some students to stand up on stage and well, talk . Talk about anything, just about anything . I wanted to but I don't know why I was being damn shy -.- After we saw the video, I was waiting for my chance to talk on stage . Why? Because The story of Nick Vujicic moved me . Especially the part where he did suicide . I didn't get the chance, so be it xD So let me speak here

I may be weak and I may be strong . That just depends on What The All-Mighty wants me to go through . Let me tell you something about myself . I grew up happy till the day I moved here, Kuala Lumpur . I've been teased and make fun of a lot . I still remember them calling me bola rugby, pisang, longjong and all sorts of names . I was a trash when I was 12 . I started saying bad words and well I changed to someone I don't know who . And well, I commit suicide at that age . I would grab a knife and just, well I guess you know what I mean . I couldn't stand the pressure I was going through . My parents, my teachers, my friends, everyone was relying on me

In the night, I'd go out for a walk and sing the song The Climb . Then I'd be talking to myself then led to a silent pray to The All-Mighty . And now, I'm the hostel's BADAR . Everyone couldn't accept it because of the fact that I'm not religious enough for them . I keep getting threats from anonymous people . People kept on judging me and seeing the bad side of everything . I get news on what people talk bad about me .  Backstabbed, used, frustrated, I kept on crying . Right now, my dad's condition is bad and its causing the whole house going mad . And about precious people who passed away . People putting an act infront of me . Boy issues and complicated feelings . Me having no time for myself with a busy schedule . Everythign was going wrong

Right now, I'm still trying my best to smile to hide everything from you guys . Cause its better to hide it . Because if I show it, you guys would only see the bad side of it and just won't give a damn . I started getting all vengeful and stuff . Then I realized, why do I need to care about that . I can figure it out and be stronger . Let alone those haters, they really need to learn how to use their time to live . I'm me, I'm happy, more than happy . I still got support from the people who loves me . I still got someone to run to . I can do this, I can face eveything . If I cry, I cry and I'll throw away all those disillusions and dissapointments . Then, I'm good to move on

Here I am . Still standing as if I'm a powerful, strong girl . I still get the nights where I'd cry silently to avoid questions . I would only be in tears for awhile then I'd be going crazy again . So people, believe in yourself . Don't worry about your reputation but worry about your character . Don't give up, everyone gets a chance . Its wether you grab it or you let it pass you by . Its wether you choose to get stuck in the past or go on with your life . Its all about how you face things in life . Goodluck with it guys