My wish

Remember this guy?

Megat Umar Ryan

Your moving away today, right now, at this second . Off you go to German, the place you were born . I hope you'll find a better place there, fit in and strive to what you do best . Thanks for the memories brother, you still mean much to me . I forgive you dude, don't worry . Good friends okay? I'm always here if you need me . Congragulations for achieveing straight A's in your PMR, I'm proud of you . I'm gonna miss you, take care over there . Goodluck building a new life at German . I'm wishing you all the best . Say hey to Kak Ruhanz for me, I'm gonna miss her too . She's been a big help . And don't forget Amir too, dah lama tak cakap dengan dia . Farewell my friend, we'll meet again

"But I don't think I can be anything other than me"

- Light Me Up, The Pretty Reckless -

Too little too late

I'm still wondering, how did Faris got into a coma? What happened to him? Why was he so busy lately? No one is telling me the truth . Please tell me? Maybe I could get much more calm if I know how this happened . What was he doing riding his motorcycle in the middle of the night? Where was he heading to? And for what?

A : Zahar

Z : Yup

A : Macam mana Faris boleh accident?

Z : *speechless*

A : Zahar?

Z : *no response*

*Mimi broke the ice*

S : Do you want the last piece Aina?

A : Nah, I'm full

Z : Bak kasi aku!

A : Zahar

Z : What?

A : You still didn't answer my question =.....=

Z : What were we talking about?

A : Oh tadek ape T___T

S : Webcam jom you guys

Why won't Zahar tell me the story? Why was Zahar out of words? Why did Mimi changed the topic? What are they hiding from me? Why aren't they telling me? I can't help myself knowing the real story . I'm hoping for an answer from you guys

Literature

Remember the poem "I wonder" ? Yeah . Teacher Aisyah suruh 2 Bestari buat our version of "I wonder" . So this was mine

I Wonder

Aina Farihah

I wonder why I love to eat

Somehow I won't even get big

I wonder why I'm a lazy girl

Whne I'm diligent in dancing, my skirt twirls

I wonder why they're jealous of me

Maybe because of my awesome peeps :D

I wonder why people stab my back

When I'm trying to be me, and thats a fact

I wonder why people keep telling lies

Do they know there are blessings in disguise?

I wonder why I think I'm ready to face the music

When I'm hiding in the closet, like a 3 y/o kid

I wonder what I'll ask Allah the next time I pray

Hey, I'm stronger now, come what may

I wonder can I trust all these faces

I decided to Look at Life Through Rose Tinted Glasses

Left alone

Why is everybody leaving me?

Yesterday the bell rang . Its the holidays! . Maam instantly came up to me and she was like "Eh, Kak Leya la! Aina, pergilah jumpa dia . Dia dah menangis tu!" I didn't recognize a girl walking pass class 3 Al-Razi . As soon as I catch her watching us I went straight to her . She was crying! And it made me feel to cry too . And I did . I don't wanna let go of our embrace . But I gotta let you go! I can't help crying infront of everyone . It was time . Did Aisyah sent you my kiss? I'm surely gonna miss a person like you Kak Leya!

And then saw Kak Khaleeda . She's leaving too! Actually, I was suppose to hold on to her leg and she'd be dragging me but, infront of everyone? No . In the dorm? Hell yeah . And then saw Kak Zahra, I got another hug from her! Goodluck at MRSM tau! And then, pergi pondok as usual . Oh gosh, Hanif was like "Weyh, aku pindah tau, byee" Rasa macam nak pecahkan muka kau je . Sorry Hanif . And then He passed by . I turned away . I don't wanna see him watching my face with tears

Maam was like "Dia pandang kau la Aina" . Huh, how was I suppose to look at him and like jump up and down and shout "Twins forever Dude!" ? And then as usual me and Maam cpuld never stop talking . Ha yeay :D And then tepat tepat 2.30, off we go to 7Eleven . We got back to school in such a hurry because that Shafiq kid was there . Oh eerie nightmares . And then He came back waving . I laughed, LOL . I wanna wave back but He was with his friends . But I did it! I got up to my feet and like wave hard . Embarrasing =.=

Maam balik, I'm alone . Naik kelas, kemas kemas sikit . Siapa baling cat huh? Korang ni memang menyusahkan betul la . And then I saw Him again . Oh, class dia buat party ke =..= Patut lah balik lambat for the first time . I just walked all over the place . Jalan depan dewan . Why are they staring at me . Oh, thats Him =.= I thought he's already home . Okay, keluar ikut pagar depan and jalan dekat mutiara Gombak . Zairee teman sekejap T.T And then dia balik =.= Nak pergi taman but, nanti Ibu sampai pulak . So I just wandered around like a lost puppy . Pondok tu, is that Him again? I gave up, naik dorm and finished packing

I ran down the stairs . Pergi pondok . When I got there, you're gone . I did it again . I was afraid to see you face to face . I was shy . I regret . I did it again . I think its the last time I'm ever gonna see you . Twin, this is the last goodbyue from me to you . Goodluck at Temerloh, bye

When You're Gone

Faris, I couldn't force myself to hold back my tears . Let it rain . It was too much . You left . I lost you . I blamed myself . I should've noticed all the signs . But I was careless . I was really just so confident that you're never gonna leave my side . But you did . And you're never coming home again . And I'd be waiting at the door to welcome you back . Then I'll give up, you're never gonna come back with your green cap and the smile on your face that I use to see

I miss you so badly dear friend . I woke up this morning at 4.23 a.m . I cried . Because you're not gonna be with us hanging out every dead morning anymore . And now Zahar is taking over . As if he's replacing you . Can he really replace you? No, I don't think so . He doesn't like literature like we do . He doesn't eat dark chocolate like we do . He don't wanna learn the piano, the guitar and the drums like we do

I'm gonna stop everything . I'm gonna stop touching the DSLR . I lost the greatest mentor ever . Somehow, I can't get back on track without you guiding me . And the best part is, I only want you to be my mentor, no other . Now I'm alone . Everyday, I remember you . Sometimes I even catch a glimpse of you waving back at me, smiling . I miss the old days with you . Its never the same . Its like I'm writing without a pencil . Its like the storms without thunders . Am I improving? YEah, I'm writing a lot now Faris, I wish to show it to you . Unfortunately, time gave me the red light

Faris, you know you achieved straight A's for your PMR! You know your parents just bought a classic piano for you! You know I'm waiting to see, laugh, talk, fight, scream and get all goofy with you again! False hopes . Crushed dreams . Lost a friend . I wish I knew it was time that you're packing up and leaving me with tears . I shouldn't have gone to the hostel . If I didn't, I would've been there by your side . I can't show your picture . Its against our group rules . FASZE lost an "F" . Everything reminds me of you

You're the best I've ever had my dear friend

Cheers to the glorious memories we had

With love

The girl crying in the pouring rain :)

Morning after Dark

Last night memang tak tidur . Yay . I was expecting that . In the middle of the night, I snuck out . My parents were sleeping soundly and I don't think they know I got out of the house . I met up with Zahar as I planned, Syamimi decided to join us . Unfortunately, Syamimi was the first to close her eyes and start dreaming . Onlined at Mimi's laptop again . Zahar brought along his guitar, it was my request

Dia nak phone aku T.T Heh, macam Elias pulak . The best part was, He knew the chords to the song I wanted to sing . He knew the song Goodbye from Kesha . He knew the song More Than Words from Westlife . He knew the song to Someone's Watching Over Me from Hillary Duff . He knew the song The Only Exception from Paramore . He knew the song Innocence from Avril Lavigne . It was great . Mimi then gave up and told Zahar to pass her laptop when we're finished using it . She said she needed her beauty sleep and she left us alone at the pool

We both took a walk then . We talked long and laughed a lot . And we sang a lot . I never thought Zahar could play the guitar . Never expectd that . I told him about the break up . He was like "Kenapa dia taknak bagitau sebab? Boleh pulak dia buat kau macam ni . After all this time kau kejar dia, and then, tiba tiba je announce mengejut" And then a bomb exploded . He told me he was scared to tell me the latest news as I just broke up . I forced him to tell me . Al- Fatihah . And that I knew, Faris is gone . I lost an amazing friend . The one who was there for me . He's in a better place now . Rest in peace my dear friend . I know The All- Mighty has planned to place you in his glorious heaven . So long brother

At around 7 a.m, I said my goodbye to Zahar . I needed to pack as I'm going back to the hostel . And I forgot all about my phone . Dah la silent =.= Baru tadi sedar phone dekat Zahar . Kejap lagi mesti dia dah ada depan pintu rumah . Nak siap, pergi klinik . Harap harap aku tak lelah, aku nak lari! If only this coughing stop

Kenangan Terindah, Samsons

Remember that song? Thats for you E . And for you too Faris

Thanks for the memories

Fool Again

It was time for me to go home . Alhamdulillah! Finally! I'm so excited to get the chance to talk you again! I was really happy . But, at asrama . I keep having weird dreams . I dreamt of a pocong, a fight with a girl I don't know who and breaking up with you . Astagfirullah, I hoped so much it wouldn't happen . I couldn't let you go . Balik je, dah tertidur . I couldn't talk to you because I was extremely exhausted . But thank Allah, I got the chance to talk to you last morning . You told me to catch you on tv today at 4 p.m . Oh, there were butterflies in my tummy :D

And then tiba tiba

" Im over with u... Bye... "

What? Thats it? Thats the happy ending? I called you a million times . You wouldn't give me the chance to speak . You refused to listen, even just for awhile . I don't know what happened . I had no clue at all . And the best part was, you wouldn't tell me . Astaghfirullah, What did I do! I tried my best not to have any interest in other guys because I knew I found the best out of all the boys . I hoped we'd be together, forever . I tried my best just to talk to you, and then I had you! And for a moment, you just dumped me . Just like that . With no reason

Thanks for the new, fresh scar, for the broken heart, for the crushed dreams, for the false hopes, for the fiction happiness, and most of all, thank you for making me believe in you . I thought you knew me better . I trusted you like no other . I rejected those other guys because I loved you . I missed you like hell of a lot for 2 weeks . And when I came back, I got this for an answer . You can't imagine how dissapointing it is . My soul shattered . So much for my happy ending . I cried my heart out . I believed you were the only one for the rest of my life . What a false alarm . Hakim and Hanif, sorry lah sebab aku lepas geram aku dekat korang . I just couldn't believe reality

I'm gonna catch you on tivo tomorrow . The last time . I still love you a lot . I just can't let go someone like you . I thought you were with me . But, its just a dream that I'm the only one hoping it'd come true . You changed me, you made me a better person . I was happier than before when you came along . I miss you so much . I hope you won't leave me . Your decision tore my heart into bits . Like a thunder struck me when I'm crying in the pouring rain . I won't be sleeping tonight . I told Zahar to keep me accompany this morning with his guitar . Just note this in your heart, forever yours baby

Saturday

I woke up late today . Sedar sedar je, my phone was blowing up with my ringtone . Zahar calling =.= And then memang gelabah gila bersiap . Turun, kena simbah air . Sebab lambat bangun . Dude, baru balik asrama la =.= Give it a rest . Okay, Zahar bawak guitar! Woooo, and I requested the song More Than Words from Westlife . And he played it, while I sang it . And then tiba tiba terbatuk, dia simbah lagi air =.= Dia bebel bebel "Batuk pun nak nyanyi jugak ke? Tak serik lagi kau!" Online through Mimi's laptop . What a bummer, they told me Facebook is shutting down this March . Oh, kay =.=

Naik atas, makan . Check phone, astaghfirullah, tak boleh banyak lagi ke missed calls? Abe marah gila oh . Sorry la Abe . Penat, baru balik asrama pukul 8 malam lebih =.= So much for going home at 2.30 p.m =.= And then terus mandi . Taktau lah kenapa semacam semangat sangat buat homework . And then teringat dekat Huzay . Terus tegur dia . Ha, dia ingat lagi dekat aku! Alhamdulillah . Lain kali kita cakap lama lagi ye Huzay? And then text budak 2 Al-Baihaqi tu =.= Dia kata Ainul bagi number =.= Dari mana pulak budak tu dapat number aku =.= And then tegur Abe . Kesiannya dia! Sorry la tak jawab! Tertidur! Sorry tau Abe :'( Nak mocha :D

Ibu beli ice-creamm . Of course, aku makan gila gila . Buduh, tak sedar ke kau masih lagi batuk Cik Aina? Kisah pulak aku xD And then Ibu suruh siap pergi Seremban . Put on my awesome jacket and my new wedges and off we go . For the whole day, I was stuck in the car -.- Texted Hakim :') Lama tak cakap dengan kau hakim . Punyalah garau suara kau on the phone . And then around 9.30 p.m pergi Sogo, makan dekat Secret Recipe . Kenyang gila doh . And then balik . Guess what? Abah tukar cerita cakap kena dapat 8A's kalau tukar sekolah . What the funk =.= Esok balik sekolah . Before that, nak bukak channel 2 :) Bye

Lost

On the way back home, all of the sudden Ibu cakap pasal sukan . Tears started flowing down . Dah 2 tahun aku tak aktif! Its been 2 years! I didn't even get the chance to run! It was awful . I feel so left out! I hope I'm okay now, and really hoping I could run again liek I use to . I don't wanna be shy . I can't keep hiding . I wanna start practising again

And then Aiza cakap dia join pasukan tarian SKSP . I was like "Go Die" Astaghfirullah . Aku dah banyak berubah . I gave up a lot of my talents, what I use to love doing . Aku rasa macam nak tikam tikam Aiza tu! Sejak bila dia tanam minat nak menari jugak! Jangan ingat kau pengganti aku! Kak Amelia! Please call and inform me anything about the audition! I wanna dance again! I don't wanna lose my skills, the thing I do best

Allahuakbar . What happened to me . What weakened me . Astagfirullah

Glad

Oh finally home! Believe it or not, my coughing won't stop -.- Hari tu pergi klinik sampai hantar sample kahak =.= Allah, gelinya aku . Friday was okay . After balik ada perjumpaan budak budak yang nak jadi ajk koperasi . And then diadakan perlantikan Ahli Jawatan Kuasa Kelab Koperasi SMK Sg Pusu . Paling tak boleh blah, aku jadi naib setiausaha =.= Heh, tak layak gila . After that, pack up barang nak balik! And then gelabah pergi keluar beli reload at 7Eleven . Jumpa budak fanatik tu =.= The guy who trapped me . Freaky . And then panggil sofea and joined Maisarah, Aisyah, and Hasanah . Lama gila tunggu food . Tiba tiba Khairil dengan bonzer lalu =.= Er, kantoi . Habis makan, gerak pergi sekolah . Hati tak sedap, memang sakit . As usual, aku manusia terakhir balik rumah, again T.T Byee

Hello Hell

Tadi pendaftaran asrama . On the way pegi dewan lalu block Angsana yang kelas 1Sej- 2Gi . Tapi dah tukar, dekat situ semua form 4, except 4 server and ibnu sina . And ada kelas baru, 4 ekuiti . Pelik dohh =...= Daftar asrama everyone was like "OMG, Aina pakai tudung labuh man" Haih, dah peraturan, ikut jelah ;D Dapat dorm Khadijah, tapi roommates same xD AWESOMEE

Time daftar dah nak tutup . Ustaz Zamri was like "Kenapa taknak masuk asrama? Awak tau tak awak ni bertuah. 2Amanah kan? Awak dengan Khairil sahaja yang dapat tawaran, yang lan semua rayuan" Huh, lie . Fatin dapat -.-' Nevermind, maybe dia taktau . Aina, don't blame your teacher, tak berkat ilmu habis kau :P

Well, thsi is the end . I'll be back in 2 more dying weeks . I can do it, yeah, hell yeah I can . Erza, I'm gonna miss you :'( Wan, you too :'( Faris, please please wake up . I need you right now . Goodluck Aina

Getting up

 Tadi try tudung labuh, OMG, I look like an angel xD Its not that bad than I thought it would be . Okay, tak tidur tidur lagi ni . Packing punya pasal -.-' Time nak turun called Erza, he picked up, kantoi tak tidur . Okay he did slept and he just woke up . His parents ajak datang jumpa =.....= I'm not even 14 yet and I'm gonna meet my Prince Charming's parents . Wow xD LOL Okay, talked for awhile and hung up . Jumpa Mimi, Elias and Zahar for the last time . Snapped like a whole lot of pictures and the we said our goodbyes and I went upstairs and continued packing

Okay . I got this . Its time for change . Tired of thingking negative shits . Tired of being depressed . Tired of hurting myself . Tired of being so damn upset . Tired of crying . Tired of drama . Tired of lies . Tired of giving up . I'm gonna try and stop it . I'm gonna be strong . Hell haven't seen the other side of Aina Farihah . Get ready and gear up, your messing with the wrong girl

I don't need your opinion about me . Why did I even care about your thoughts of me -.- Hih, I figured it all out . So haters, you got your own life right? Mess with yours and stop bothering mine . I'm gonna make it to the top . I'm gonaa strive harder . No more being lazy, I gotta work my tail off and nail the exams along with the PMR pressure and the all the other stuffs . Jangan cakap je Aina oi, make sure its not your imagination

Oh Yeah, I feel good

Shattered

I'm home alone all day . Awesomeee xD But effing lame and boring except when Mimi hung out at my place . Well that evening, as usual, got down to the pool and met Zahar, Mimi and Eliot . Online through Mimi's laptop, talk talk talk, off home with Mimi . We did nothing but just snap more pictures through web cam and Mimi's Canon . We went crazy, the music was loud xD Then Mimi ordered pizza . Tunggu lama and finally it arrived . After makan, lepak jap and Mimi went home

I'm not happy today except when Mimi was here because that took me off everything that was on my damn mind . Gosh, what happened to you Aina Farihah Bt Mohd Tarmizee! Seriously I'm sooo pissed off, huh -.- Its almost midnight right now and I'm still home alone . My family is now stuck somewhere at Shah Alam because the car broke down . And I gotta iron my sister's clothes for her again -.- Dude, you owe me a lot, like hell of a lot

I gotta wake up early tomorrow for the effing hell registration . I'm forcing myself . Stop it Aina, you know you don't like to force yourself and you hate to be forced, so stop it . I can't! Everything is happening soooo fast . Soon enough, I've finished my studies . Then I got a job and got married . Then I'll have kids . Then I'll have granchildrens . Then I'll die :\ Awkward . I don't think I have the oppurtunity to face SPM or even PMR . Guys, Doomsday is near . Thats why you gotta live like theres no tomorrow . Eihh, I'm sooo not in the mood . It hurts coughing -.- Ughh, byeee =.=

Criminal

Since its the first day of 2011, everyone dah buat azam baru . Me? Errrrrrr, naaaaaaaaaaaaantilaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa xD Malam tadi tak boleh nak tidur . Sorry Erza :'( I can't sleep because of my coughing . Okay shit -.-' Aku tak ada mood -.-' Why? Entah -.-' But I think its because of the fact I'm going straight to hell tomorrow . I'm gonna look effing weird dengan tudung labuh PARAS SIKU and those nerdy black shoes -.-' Oh Mayyyn, why is this happening to me . Chill Aina, pejam celik pejam celik dah 6 bulan! You're free from jail! In my dreams -.-'

I knew it, I knew that at beginning of 2011 I won't feel the happiness like everyone does . Its normal to me . If I'm happy, oh, thats weird =.=' I got like just two more days to talk to Erza and then I'm off to that boarding school hell . Surely I'm gonna miss him soo much . I regret staying . I shouldn't change my mind and just leave . But the way Maam and Irdina reacted got the best of me . And now, fcuk asdfghjkl . I wanna get out of that school!

Tomorrow morning would be the last time I see Mimi, Elias and Zahar . Faris? Hmmm, still no news about him . School is starting and he is still sleeping in a coma . Wan is leaving T.T Dude, take me with you man! I don't wanna stay here! Tomorrow last day lepak dekat rumah . Guess its farewell to my phone too . Tadi dah pecahkan pinggan ibu lagi . Sorry mom, I just don't wanna stay . Oh Gosh, I'm in tears again

Conclusion

I just don't wanna set my foot at SMK Sg Pusu . Seriously, can someone come and stab me to death . And since I'm staying, I'm gonna pretend . Yeah, pretend I'm so happy seeing you guys again . And I'm gonna look like a fool because my atitude is totally the opposite of what I'm gonna look like wearing those nerdy shoes and those hell damn tudung labuh PARAS SIKU . I'm a form 2 . Here come the pressure on PMR . Haters? I don't care about you anymore, its my life, go get yourself one too and mess with it and stop bothering mine . Erza Fachreza! You dah form 5, SPM! Goodluck honey . I'm gonna miss you soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much! I'm just gonna pray and hope that the first 6 months here at hell would make me comfortable

Goodluck Aina