Enigma

People like you are stupid, dumb, you know that? I'm sorry but I'm so angry with you guys . Well, please make it stuck in your damnation head . Aku sangat bengang dan tak faham . Its freaking confusing man . When I do anything, ade je yang nak tikam lidah, anak je nak marah, ade je yang nak its-all-your-fault . I'm losing my patience now . I thought holding back my anger was best, it is . But I want you guys to know a piece of my mind . Do you know whats my intention? You think I wanna do it just to make people more pissed at me? Think again, asshole

I really wanted to tell you guys that I'm going for that hang out yesterday . But how am I suppose to tell with RM0.00 cents? I didn't even know dad would let me go to that hang out pun . I thought dad would bring up the old "incident" again and again . But the opposite happened .Yang terasa, I'm really sorry . But I'm so angry that you guys are pissed with me when I don't have any intention to not tell you guys, I really wanted to, but how? BLANK. So thank you . You guys really know how to make my day . I'm so pissed at you guys man . Dengan result teruk macam gile -.- Dapat 2A tapi nombor7 . Tak masuk akal . Sejarah punya markah pulak salah . Itu memang bukan tahap budak amanah . Dengan anonymous buduh tuh, dengan budak eliot kuat jealous tuh, dengan my dad . And then korang nak buad lagi satu isu . Serious my mood now is getting worse than ever . I can kill myself whenever I want to but that would only make things worse

To Maam, congrats newly weds, hope that special bond you're having nowlasts forever . And I still need my mry card . To Hanif, thank you so much for being such comfort and a good listener all the time . To my phone, please be shitless can you? Baling kau, pecah, padan muke xD To Irdina, Thanks for convincing me to convince Dad . To Farid, Thank you for knowing the truth . Ya Allah, Pease ease my road . I am still trying my best to be strong but I think nothing changed but it gets "better" and "better" all the time . I hope you give me the strength to go through this bumpy road . I really wish the haters could open their eyes and figure out the truth . Thank you for everything Ya Allah :)

Sir Jealous

E : Bro, ni aq Eliot

H : Wth?

E : Ko bff aina en??

H : Haah, tapi bukan bf

E : Asal ta na bf??

H : Soalan ape ni? '-.-

E : Aq suke aina. Ko jgn rapat ngn dea

H : Suke hati aku ah

E : Aq warn ko tol2  ni

H : Warn?ok.Whateveru want. Go ask the fairy for ur wish,not me

E : G mampos ar ko

H : Ajal maut bukan aku yg tentukn

I don't think you need to know the rest . If you're reading this, I hope you know its for you . Its really hard for me to forgive someone whose so jealous of me close to any guy . And I'm sure you don't want me to mention all of the guys you've been jealous with . You know you should've work harder, not eliminate my friends . I think this is a good reason why I rejected you . I should've gave you the cold shoulder earlier so that you open your eyes and make up everything . I don't think I wanna meet you tonight . Call me a milion times, I'm not gonna answer anymore . I'm sorry

Caged

To Maryam Najwa, Siti Nur Irdina, Muhammad Hanif and Wan Zulfikar

I think my answer might dissapoint your hopes for me to come along tomorrow . I'm scared to ask Dad about this . I know he'll bring up the topic about what happened at my last hang out with Una and Kak Iman . Tonight, Dad would give his answer . And I'll tag you guys in a post about dad's decision . Its really posible for me to get out of the house since "that" incident happened . I really wish to get out of this house and meet you guys there . Pray my parents would give the green light . I hope the answer is simple and short and not confusing and doesn't invite bickering, yes

Asshole Anonymous

To little miss so-anonymous-asshole-who-thinks-I-don't-know-you

Kau hebadd man . Seriously, everytime I cry, I get up and throw the disillusion away . It keeps me stronger day by day . And I'm thanking you for making me much more stronger tonight . I know you're my senior by the way you comment . For your information, people who go anonymous when commenting harshly at anything are simpy called COWARDS . Berani buat tapi sorok muka? Hai Kak, tak elok macam tu . I respect people who hate me and just go face to face . Bukannya baling batu sorok tangan

From Anonymous :

###1

pd pndpt 'aku' : kau ni mamat glabah. bajet t'lbih hot dgn budak2 junior mcm batak sgt! kau gk rse yg dorg sume b'kwn dgn kau sbb, dorg ikhlas b'kwn dgn kau. pdhal kau xtau/xsedar pun yg dorg tu sume cuma nk prgnekn kau je. dorg jz b'kwn dgn kau sbb ape ngok? sbb kau 'ade nme'. mksodnye, kau bole-thn-gk-ah femes, *femes mncapap. kau kne ingt yg dorg tu fom1. dan budak2 fom1 especially prmpuan thn ni sume nye mmg kemaruk nk femes, mncapap, menggedik lebih dgn senior2 dorg (senior laki fo sho yg dorg cari) dan kau lak yg mmg brsifat smulajdi 'bajet hot' ni jgk la, yg mnjd mangse dorg. WOI kau pk ah cket doe, kau tu laki. bapak ah desperate gle smpai tige2 kwn baik kau pmpuan? haha mngarut sial. sumenye junior pulak tu plus bru je knl thn ni doe. kau mmg suke b'kwn dgn pmpuan ek? weirdo =,=. dah fom3-senior doe. tnjuk la perangai gentle skit. ni tak, perangai yg 'tak semenggah' tu jgk la kau gedik2 tyg kt junior kau. kau tak terpk ke wey, kwn laki kau sume ilek je ngan junior. dorg tak melyn sgt sbb ape? sbb dorg ade otak, pandai pk bkn mcm kau! dorg tau yg junior skrg mmg gedik so xyah ah lyn dorg over-friendly gle-babi mcm yg kau buat. ape brg otak ade bro klau tarak pakai? and knpe nk pndg sblah mate je kemampuan kwn sejenis? asl? sume kwn sejenis kau tak phm kau? eh? so, taleh la nk dijdkn kwn baik, cmtu? so kau ingt opposite sex ade lbih byk potensi aa utk jd seorg kwn yg baik? cmtu? HAHA funny laa kau ni. (antare 3newbff kau dkt ats ni en) yg bole dihrp jz Maryam Najwa sorg je. asl ek aku excusekn irdina & aina? huh, dumb boy. aina yg pnh kate kau mcm2 dlu. kutuk2 kau gle pig in her on blog few months back, tak sedar2 lgi? mne pegi khaleeda weh? better doe kau replace khaleeda as your newbff rather than this hypocite-girl, --> AINA FARIHAH. and SITI NUR IRDINA , our main character. aku naik mnyampah when i see her photo as the first one to be appear on your blog post, huh. ADOYAI lembab, kau bute ke ape ha? tak sedar2 lgi ke doh budak yg kau gelarkn (prmpuan-plg-cantik-didunia-yg-pnh-kau-jumpe) si irdina ni, bknnye suke kau sgt pun. die still nk b'kwn dgn kau sbb ape kau nk tau? sbb, bgi die, xberbaloi doe nk lpskn admirer yg skrg ni dah pun brtkar jd that-so-called-new-bestfriend iaitu KAU!

Back home

The guitar camp was freaking awesome man! It was great that mom and dad gave us the green light . It was a chance for me to learn some baby steps and keep on striving my hardest . It was incredible! Everyone, Everything! Its like a whole new Malaysian version of Camp Rock XD The first day, I was late -.- Jumped on the bus, Ikmal pandang lain macam T.T Checked in room B401 at Ibrhaim Yaakub college . The best part of the room was the bed . Dapat group 5, its for beginners . Our job was kinda easy . We strum the easiest note while the others strum the chords . Its like we're playing the bass . And the food was incredibly delicious but the menu was like what the asrama DM serves us . Haha

Everytime after practising the two songs "1000 guitar" and "Malaysia Inovatif" there must be someone or band who wants to perform on stage infront of 1060+ participants . After that, lucky draw . You'll get a free guitar if you're one of the lucky people among the crowd . DSLR everywhere! And we get to meet Adibah Noor, Stacy, Faizal Tahir, one of the guitarist from Ekspedisi and Crystal and my little junior dancers! I noticed my little Asyraf wearing that yellow baju melayu on stage . I forgot the girl wearing pink with two pony tails name, but she was my favourite . I figured to go see them, but time was stoping me. Hanif was there for me all the time . He'd been accompanying me from the moment I was in the bus until last night when the show ended . Not to forget the Amazing rockstar Una and Fantastic Miss Maam . You guys are the best I've ever had! I was so scared I might mess up . Well it happened . I was having my nap . Then suddenly everyone started strumming the guitar . I slapped my face and followed on . I hope no one caught that on televison or else it'd be embarrassing! I was pretty pissed because no one woke me up . Thank Allah, I memorized the notes

Before the show, we had senam robik which was kinda like a party . Then lagu senam seni that I know so well xD Jo was amazing! He was dancing his feet off! Sumpah senam robik paling gempak in the history of my life . Tadi, time balik rase macam taknak je pulanakan kunci bilik :'( Its the last day dapat jumpa diaorang . Next year probably buad dua sesi . Yuyu balik awal gile pulak tuh . Habis show, balik UKM, balik rumah. To Una, Kak Iman, Sam, Yaya, Hanani, Yuyu, Nina, Syamil, Mahmud, Izzat, Qidin, Asyraf, Hakimi, Zakirin, Anas, Airaz and Erza . 
Thanks for making the camp a blast with your friendly atitude and jokes that made me wearing a smile on my face eventhough I was sleepy or tired . It was great spending time with you guys . To those whose name is not mentioned, I'm sorry . Last words, Flipping Fantastic

Guitar Camp

I'm packing up for a guitar camp . So, I'll be away for 5 days of no blogging -.-

I'll be going with some of the GM21 members, Una and Kak Iman . They are superstars

Muhammad Hanif bin Jamil

Muhammad Hanif b Jamil

 I don't have much to say but he was born on the 17th November 1995 . Had faced PMR well this year at SMK Sg Pusu . A generous and caring person and most important a great friend . He was always there as a loyal listerner . We share secrets with eachother and make fun of ourselves sometimes . Hes a warior fighting in the battle of life that wages on . He is too cute for any girl :) Helping friends finding their way is what he does best . He deserves a great future and a wonderful circle of family and friends . I never thought I'd be close to him actually but I hope we'd be friends forever . He was like my advicer . My health, my problems, my life . Maam, Una and him knows everything . This little guy, has a good heart and I respect that his honest with me . He's been on a rough road . But I know, he can make it through because he's strong and he never knows the meaning of giving up like I do . He reminded me so much of my guy bestfriends . Daniell, Adam, Nabil, Sunil, Amril, Syahmi, Faris and him . Gentlemens of mine who I love . I hope we get along well on this road to the end dude and not let that luck thing happens .

Sincerely, Aina :D

The Past

The Ghost of the past would never stop haunting a person's life. We all have our own stories to tell. And mines about all my major past mistakes that almost got me suicide. 2009 was the hardest year I've been through so far. I can never forget what happened at that very year. 12 years old and sitting for UPSR. New kid to SK Sg Pusu and was trying to shine through the darkness .

The beginning was okay for me. Had new friends, got my english teacher proud and joined the school's dancers. Everything was smooth till I met a friend. Everyone told me to be careful with her to not fall for her innocent face and her sweet voice. But I refused to listen to them because I thought they were making rumors. So that was when my beautiful nightmare happens. Well, some questioned me why did I transfer here . It was because of my late School Headmaster. I was late for school because of traffic. My dad and the new Headmaster got into a big fight. I was about to sit for my maths. So the Headmaster asked for me to meet her when I've finished my paper. She advised me to transfer and that was pretty much it. Then this guy suddenly came into my life, A. He completed everything for my senior year at Middle school. He made my beautiful nightmare to a tragedy I'll never forget. Not to mention all of those pressure from my teachers. My friends would be like "Aina, tadi Cikgu Norani dgn Cikgu Khashiah cakap pasal kau . Kata kau ada peluang dapat 5A la" and "Aina, aku nak jadi kau untuk satu hari" and "Best tak popular?". When they have problems with their academics, they'd come to my desk asking for help knowing that I can solve this. In their mind "It's just a piece of cake to her, I mean she's a braniac". I was juggling my dance practices for states and Turkey and my exams. It was hard driving the car on that road. I couldn't take it. It was too much. 

Its like I'm a whole new diamond everyone wanted to have me. They think I was having this fancy life. Never been scolded or beated by parents, not burdened with chores, not having any problems . I was hiding all that from them. It was okay hiding it for a couple of months. Was happy with the so called love of my life that time until I created a masive nuclear that blew up the whole school. Then I ended up trying to jump off the schools building. Thank Allah Syahmi, A and Ain was there with Seri. I've been hurting myself, making cuts at my hands close to my pulse. Yeah, it did bled and I did it all over again. Then UPSR was coming round. More pressure was hitting me hard. I didn't even study for it much. But alhamdulillah I managed to do well. Maths was the easiest among all of the other papers. Then books closed, I was going to put on a play for the schools English Month. But it seemed to be canceled because I got into a huge fight with a frined of mine Aishah Aliah. It should be my friends fault but she blamed me. Then we were okay when suddenly her mom died.

Soon enough, it was my dancing carier in trouble . My parents didn't like me dancing because we weren't paid for the job . I told my teacher about it and she insisted to pay us then . The reason she didn't pay us is that she used the money to buy our costumes and accessories and some other equipments. I remember fighting with my dad on his birthday about this. Oh I was so angry I left them at the restaurant and raced for the toilet.

Holidays were arriving soon. I was bestfriends to a guy, Muhd Syahmi. Oh I loved that guy! We did everything together until people misunderstood us as a couple. So we had a personal chat with the Head Discipline Teacher and was adviced to no be so sclose. Then it was the year six festival and then the holidays. I've changed to a better person now than I used to be, I learned to control my emotions and balance myself. And I succeded and I needed to be consistent about it

Last day of sch

The last day of school was a blast . Major tiring but it was really worth it pun . Dinner asrama boring gila . Dahlah dapat hand sanitizer dari aspura -.- Tak boleh blah gila . Well, budak-budak arif, rasional and rajin dah pindah masuk kelas baru diaorang . Amanah tak jejak pun kelas baru sebab diaorang tengah jamuan . So, buad bende buduh je lah yang aku tau. Well at first tengah okay dengan Una then lepak with Maam . Tak lama lagi tuh, Maam pergi mana tah, aku pun duduk la kat luar kelas. So I did some thinking to myself outside . Fikir pasal next year, fikir pasal family, fikir pasal friends dengan hangouts, fikir pasal two faced haters . Then Hanif datang with chocolate Daim . Elok elok bagi isyarat suruh letak kat tempat pecah tuh dia pergi campak kat lantai . Haha, kawan aku sorang nii. Time balik tuh yang best . At first Wan macam bad mood then dia okay . So lepak depan kelas aku cakap cakap . Kene baling belon berisis air oleh Kak Yana, habis kain -.- . Then lepak kat pondok . I noticed those snotty bitches giving those hateful looks at me and Irdina . Oh I know your a good actress but theres no way you can fool me . Later!

Put Upon

"Theres a lot more of me coming for you miss. Get ready for the ride of your life"

-Enigma-

I cried myself to sleep last night . Why is everything pressuring me . I an't seem to understand . I knew it, I knew one day my family would split up . Tomorrow is my living skills paper . I don't think I could concentrate while having this big dilema burdening me . Haven't they think of whose hurt? Who lost focus? Never

Its hard when people don't know the truth and blame who they think is responsible for . I hate those kind of people, just like ... Its not right, when can they open their eyes and listen to the person who knows what s actually going on . When this happens, the bickering never ends . I couldn't stop the tears from running down my cheek . I would've died if the bickering went on until midnight . Instead, I cried myself to sleep with a shattered soul . Its not fair that they blame innocent people . I stand up for them because I know the truth .

I'm afraid to console with them and thats because they're bigger than me and I know they're stubborn because they always think they're right . I'd like to stab levers to death for making something small to a complicated mess . They should clean them up because they were the one causing it . I'm tired having these people around . I'm tired of hearing those bickering every day . I'm tired of them to lever with timber . I'm tired of breaking down in tears . Hanif, thanks for the comfort . Please make up guys . I can't help it seeing our strong bond weakens

A day out

Yesterday, hung out with Kak Iman and Una<3333 They are amazing people . Jumpa je diaorang, pegi makan dulu at A&W . I love their cheeseburger . While eating we were like "Okay, afterthis bowling, movie or karaoke?" Buntu gila then decide pegi karaoke je . Its the first time for me to karaoke XD Habis karaoke texted Hanif while hunting for my robe for the anual asrama dinner and his birthday present .

Jumpe robe! Haha, I wanted black but white would do . It'd go with my purse and my ballet flats . Dah bayar, hantar Una and Kak Iman at entrance . They had to go home early because Kak Iman's friends are coming to their house . We said our goodbyes and went seperate ways . What happened to me? Kept on texting Hanif and went on searching for his present . Banyaklah bende fikir nak beli sampai taktau nak beli yang mana . Maam and Una, hadiah korang nanti tau, SORRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! But I promise I'll give them before next year .

Ran into Kak Wawa and sister Nisha . And then, met Kak Lala and Kak Anis adik Kak Nawal . Dah maghrib baru balik . My feet hurt so badly I was walking like an old granny . Sampai rumah masuk bilik . Mandi, test jubah, baca buku TSGS, tidur .

The End

Not that kind of girl

I'm soooooooooo tired I don't know why . Lack of sleep? nahh . Maybe its the never ending drama . I just wanna runaway . But problem keeps catching me up . Its like jumping off a building . But in the end, problems save us . Sometimes they got me thinking, if I was killed in an accident or murdered, what will happen to my family? friends? haters?

My answer is, some would cry . Maybe they would loss focus . Then, they'd wish they died with me . And some would smile . Thinking what a fresh start for them to begin . How peaceful life is without me . How did I know? By the people surrounding me . 

Some see me as this fcuked up stich who doesn't have a life . They see me as a proud girl, who had a fancy life, so easy on getting what she wants . They see me as a player . Fooling boys in realtionships . They see me as a shiny fake plastic, useless, talking lies and condemning people around . And they see me as a disaster . But some see me as this honest girl, a great friend . They see me struggling, suffering in life . They know me as a happy girl who hides the pain from letting people know . They see me with my eyes filled with tears because of losing the people she loves again and again . Because of how drama keeps puting on a play in her life . Because this is what Allah wants her to go through .

Am I an angel? Or just a stich who fell to earth? Majority, there are so many haters of mine . Oh, don't think I don't know the things you talked about me behind my back . If your not satisfied with me, talk . Not sit in silence and fake being all goody-goody infront of me . I wish to smack these words infront your face because I don't know until when can you still hide things from me when I already knew from the beginning . So stop faking and be honest! Hom much longer can you hide with that disguise? So haters if you're reading this, you know you're judging the book by its cover . You just know what you saw but you don't know my intentions . Get a life .  

Hate me all you want cause I'll always will be me